One of the things that interests me most about conflict is the tendency to resist it and the ways in which this resistance causes me to miss a ki moment - a key moment, when I might respond with purpose and intention but do not. Resistance is a reactive habit. When I resist, I'm on automatic, and I fail to spot the opportunity to respond with the conscious engagement of being fully present.

Aikido - the martial art I practice and teach - suggests that resistance escalates conflict. When I push, the conflict pushes back. Aikido replaces resistance with alignment and redirection. I change my view from "this person is attacking me" to "this person is offering energy that I can use."

Aikido (pronounced eye-key-doe) is Japanese for "the way of blending with energy." Ki means universal energy or life force. Ki Moments are those in which we are fully aware of our life force and our ability to influence our environment.

In aikido, the attack is inevitable, a part of life. We can influence the outcome of the attack by the way in which we engage and direct it. Will I resist and create a contest, ensuring a win-lose outcome? Or will I practice aikido and transform the attack into a gift of energy? How do I make these choices when I am feeling attacked?

To begin:

• Have a positive and useful purpose. Without a purpose to guide us in the conflict, we end up falling back on habitual patterns of reaction. Refocusing on purpose answers the question "What am I really going for here?" and directs the conflict toward a useful outcome.

• Practice skills and techniques that move us toward our purpose. We have reactive habits that - in the heat of the moment - take us away from the goal. Changing our conflict "habits" requires skill building, practice and persistent application.

My work focuses on bringing aikido principles to life in "off the mat" scenarios - the life "attacks" that we experience in the workplace, in our relationships, and in difficult life events that can occur at any time. How can we turn daily conflicts into life teachers? Just by asking the question, we begin to transform conflict moments into ki moments and attacks into energy we can use to build the kinds of home, work, and community environments we want to live in.

Judy Ringer

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help organizations manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a positive work environment.

The author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, Ringer provides training throughout the U.S. and Canada with unique workshops based on mind/body principles from the martial art aikido, in which she holds a black belt. In addition, she uses her expertise in several best practice communication models to bring to life key concepts such as self-management under pressure and appreciation of other viewpoints. Her programs are interactive, experiential and energetic.

Clients include Maine Medical Center, The National Institutes of Health, BAE Systems, Sony Corporation, Honda of America Manufacturing, Bose Corporation, Maine General Health, The American Red Cross, The National Education Association, and the States of New Hampshire and Vermont.

She has written numerous articles on the relevance and application of the aikido metaphor to conflict and communication, including articles for Aikido Today Magazine and The Systems Thinker. She is the author of two newsletters, including the award-winning Ki Moments, and the book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict.

Ringer is also chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH. She can be reached at judy@judyringer.com.