I'm about to speak in general, which is always risky, and I'm going to do it anyway.

For parents, in general, punishment is about venting our own anger at a situation or person. It doesn't teach much about the real world.

Consequences teach teens about the real world. A consequence is a result of what they did.

For a consequence to have it's best effect and to best teach about the real world, it needs to have the following six features: related, reasonable, respectful, swift, short-term and strong enough to get the attention of teens.

Let's take a brief and closer look at each of these six criteria:

1. Reasonable - "You are grounded for life!" is not a reasonable consequence, for teen or parent. "You have lost the privilege of using the car next weekend because you came an hour late" is a reasonable consequence.

2. Respecitful - You want them to feel bad about what they did not about who they are.

3. Related - The consequence needs to be related in some way to the rule broken. This helps teach causea and effect.

4. Swift - The consequence needs to come as possible after the rule is broken.

5. Strong - The consequence needs to be strong enough to get the attention of the teen.

6. Short-term - The teen needs to have an opportunity to better next time as soon as possible as well.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com